What FORGIVENESS Isn't--Part 3

Here are the last five ways describing "What Forgiveness Isn't," from my friend, Bob Leroe, pastor in Saugus, Mass. See the previous two blogs to get the entire list of sixteen.

1. Forgiveness isn’t suddenly “liking” the person. We’re to love everyone, but not everyone’s our buddy. Friendship may grow out of forgiveness, but sometimes the best we can achieve is tolerance, forbearance, and peaceful coexistence. Be aware--people with clenched fists can’t shake hands.

2. Forgiveness isn’t a guarantee of closure. When murderers are executed, the victim’s family members often say they hoped the prison time and capital punishment would bring closure, but nothing can compensate for their loss. Some hurts aren’t resolved till Heaven. There’s no pain on earth that Heaven cannot heal. Even when there are consequences for those who’ve hurt us, it often doesn’t matter. Healing has to come from above and from within.

3. Forgiveness isn’t optional. British General Oglethorpe commented to John Wesley, “Preacher, I never forgive.” Wesley replied, “Then sir, I hope you never sin.” Forgiveness is a bridge we don’t want to destroy…because it’s one we may need to cross ourselves some day. It is risky business praying the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

4. Forgiveness isn’t conditional. We don’t demand change before we forgive. When someone asks for pardon we don’t say, “I’ll first wait and see.” The person who hurt us may hurt us again, but we have a responsibility to forgive. We may need some recovery time, because forgiveness is also not immediate. We may even ask for reparation, but we shouldn’t demand proof that those who hurt us are truly sorry. That’s not our job.

5. Forgiveness isn’t impossible. The presence and power of Christ in us can do “all things.” God can enable us to forgive.

Let me give you a selfish reason to forgive--you’ll feel better. When we free ourselves from being “the offended one,” we unlock our prison of bitterness. The resentment we’re carrying is a live coal in our hearts. When we choose not to forgive, it’s like reopening a wound. When we forgive, the wound heals. There may be a scar, but the pain is gone. Unforgiveness depletes our strength and takes away energy toward building a better tomorrow. Forgiveness heals the hurts of the past. The word forgiveness in Hebrew is salach, which means “to have anger in one’s fist and to release it, relinquish it, to let it go and remove it forever.” What a release!

And I say, INDEED! What a release! Following God's ways is always freeing. Always! We must not let doubt ruin our chances of living freely in Christ. Grab hold of this truth and watch God unlock the door of your heart. Live as a forgiven & forgiving person.